I am not a professional traveler but maybe I should be. One of my biggest personal heroes is Anthony Bourdain, I’m still fucking pissed that he’s dead. I deeply admire his authenticity, his cinematic vision, his writing and the way he honored the places he visited by trying to experience them below the surface. This blog is not going to be about Anthony Bourdain, instead I want to share with you some of my favorite things that I like to do in the ports that we visit over and over again. Yes, I am on a ship, No, this is not the most authentic way to experience a new place and Yes, we only visit very touristy places, but I do my best to sniff out local experiences. When you visit the same place many times, even though we usually only have about a day, you get the opportunity to try different things without the pressure of missing out. I LOVE to travel alone and I refuse to go exploring in port with more than three other people. The times I’ve gotten caught up in groups of eight to twelve were hellish and I shall not let it happen again. I’m great at just wandering and listening to my heart as well as doing a little bit of research ahead of time and saving potential destinations on google maps. The star feature on google maps is my greatest travel companion.

Australia and New Zealand feel like a very long time ago. I didn’t spend nearly enough time there to be able to pick many favorites, but I can say with conviction that I loved Down Under very much and will certainly be returning. New Zealand in particular was a wildly special place. I have always loved Polynesian and Maori culture and to get to see it up close only whet my appetite. Some favorite spots in NZ include Tauranga, Auckland, Wellington and the fjordlands. I loved pretty much every port in Australia including the big ones, Melbourne and Sydney as well as the littlest one, Eden. Hobart was amazing and already has it’s own post and my surprise favorite was Freemantle on the west coast. The food in Australia really is the best I’ve ever had and I don’t know how they do it. When we did the big repo we didn’t have very much time in any port but my number one favorite stop along the journey, much to my surprise, was Walvis Bay Namibia. A small group of us went four wheeling in the dunes and I haven’t laughed and gasped with childlike wonder so many times in one day in a very long time. Another place I fell deeply in love with was Malta and I low key think I might try to move there one day.

Now I’ll move into a territory where I can speak from a small amount of experience. This ship does two itineraries on repeat during the summer season. One is in the Aegean and the other is in the Adriatic, both sharing a home port of Athens. These are the same itineraries we did last year so I now have quite a few visits to each of these places under my belt. Let’s get into it.

Athens. The ship docks in Pireaus, the ancient port of Athens which lies about twenty minutes south of the city center. Anyone who has ever visited the Greek islands (unless you have a private jet or something) has traveled through Pireaus. I am sitting on the ship in Piraeus as I type this. It’s hot as fuck in the summer, almost 100 degrees today. Pireaus is it’s own small city with an almost entirely seafaring infrastructure. I don’t always get off the ship when we are here. It’s sometimes really nice to take advantage of the four hours every week after the debarking passengers have left, before the new passengers come on when the ship is almost quiet. The gym is empty! What a treat. But when I DO decide to get off I have a couple favorite things to do. Sometimes I take a cab into the city center for lunch and shopping. Athens is awesome. It’s so so old. Ancient ruins litter the streets. It’s also pretty clean and safe. This is coming from a New Yorker so I guess that’s relative. They have some excellent bars and restaurants including a cocktail bar called “The Clumsies” that is on the top 50 bars in the world list and an inconspicuous little restaurant called “Six Dogs” that has a beautiful courtyard and excellent vibes. If you’re partying overnight, the club scene is wild and I recommend a gay club called “Shamone” where we danced into the wee hours of the morning during ramp up last year. When I stay in Pireaus I like to have lunch at a small family restaurant called “Margaro” which serves only three things: fried mullet (a local fish), fried shrimp and greek salad, all prepared to perfection. I also like to visit local favorite “Starfish restaurant” which was recommended to me by a taxi driver named Dimitri and does not disappoint.

Santorini. I will be honest with you, Santorini is way way way overrated. I haven’t tried to get off the ship in Santorini once this entire contract. I got off twice last year. Arriving in Santorini on a cruise ship is a nightmare. There is no port that can accommodate a large ship so you must tender to land at the port of Thira and then take a cable car up to the top of the cliff where the town is. There are no restrictions on how many ships can be in Santorini at a time so sometimes there are four or five ships anchored at the same time. This makes the wait for the tender boats and the cable car unimaginably long. People stand for hours in the sun just waiting in line. You can opt to walk up the zigzagging foot path in the blistering heat next to the abused donkeys who are sweating and pissing and shitting the whole way. Once you finally get to the top you will find what is essentially a giant shopping mall and hundreds of other tourists trying to take the same photo for their instagram. It’s a dystopian hellscape and there is nothing authentic about it. It’s a tourist trap. I came to Santorini once 20 years ago right after I graduated from high school with my best friend and it MAY have been more authentic then but I just remember it being a beautiful place with lots of expensive resorts. It IS a beautiful place. The history and the geography are incredibly unique. The one time I enjoyed it was the very first time we went last year. I hiked to an ancient castle called Skaros and climbed to the very top. It was hard and scary and dangerous and forbidden and fun. I did it alone. There is another town on the far end of Santorini called “Oia” that is the home to all of the iconic blue domed churches you’ve seen on the internet. I still haven’t bothered to visit it. My favorite thing to do in Santorini is stay on the ship and look up at all the layers of rock that were blown out of the ocean thousands of years ago when the volcano exploded and destroyed Akrotiri. If you decide to visit Santorini, sail through the caldera on a sailboat and wave.

Rhodes. I love Rhodes. In general there is only one ship in port per day so it doesn’t get completely saturated with tourists. The port is situated right next to the historic old town which is right next to the new town so you don’t have to walk far to get to pretty much anything you might want. It’s a helpful port when you live on the ship because there are pharmacies and barbershops and makeup stores for any human needs a crew member might have. The port is also the former site of The Colossus of Rhodes, one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. The beach is beautiful and it’s right there. I tend to rent a beach chair at a place called “Elli beach club” if I feel like having a beach day. My favorite restaurant in old town is called “Island Lipsi” also known as “Nikki’s Place” and serves perfect traditional greek food in a very old building that plays traditional greek songs like Zorba the greek that make me want to smash my plate on the floor. If you rent a car or take a bus about 30 minutes south of the old town you can visit an ethereal place called “Kalithea Springs”. It’s the kind of picturesque oasis where people like to get married. It’s a beautiful little park by the water and the site of where I scuba dived for the first time last year. I’ve always been able to breathe underwater in my dreams so doing it for real was a living fantasy. Don’t be like me and scuba dive when you’re recovering from a sinus infection. In the center of the island is a butterfly forest. You read that correctly. I have been wanting to go to this butterfly forest since last year but there is always some reason I don’t. I’m running out of time. One of my key memories in Rhodes was two weeks ago when I finally got both my nipples pierced after lusting after it for years. It was extremely worth it, my tiddies look so cool.

Bodrum. Turkiye. This place is what someone might describe as “way too fucking hot” and not my favorite. Bodrum is popular for shopping, specifically for designer fakes. Get all the fake Chanel and Versace and Marc Jacobs and Dior your little heart desires. It’s the kind of place that funnels everyone through the same narrow channel and then harasses them into buying things. You must haggle. This kind of shopping isn’t really my jam so I don’t tend to walk through. The very first time we went to Bodrum I walked deep into town and went to the local market and smelled all the spices and teas and sampled Turkish delight. If you find yourself in town when the market is open I recommend it. My favorite thing to do in Bodrum and the only reason I tend to get off the ship is when a big group of us rent a boat for the day from a company called “Angel Bodrum”. We stock up on snacks and walk to the pier where all the small boats are docked and then sail away. We spend the whole day lounging and jumping in the water and swimming and napping and reading and getting drunk and it is a delight. It’s days like this that make you feel like you have the coolest job in the world that is actually just getting paid to be on vacation. Charlie’s favorite thing to do in Bodrum last year was to go to the Turkish hammam and get naked and steamed and scrubbed and rubbed by a man named Tunji. Last time we were in port I discovered a small local beach right next to the port that has lounge chairs and umbrellas and it will be my new go to whenever we are there.

Mykonos. Aka Greece for millionaires and millionaire wannabes. Mostly wannabes. When I visited Mykonos in 2003 it was known as the gay island and the party island. It is still very much those things but now in addition it is exploitatively expensive. This is not by accident. The powers that be want it to be prohibitively exclusive. However, with a little forethought, it is possible to enjoy Mykonos for what it is, a beautiful sun drenched paradise. Mykonos is for swimming and there is no shortage of places to do it. Sometimes when I want to be alone and keep it simple, I go to what I call my “shitty little town beach” as it has no name and no label on the map. It’s not pretty or romantic but it has a concrete pier that sticks out into the most perfect blue green water and it’s where the locals seem to like to hang out. When I want to make a whole day of it, I’ll take the local bus twenty minutes to Elia beach for three euros and walk down to the nude section which also happens to be the gay cruising area. I’ll find a little place hidden away in the rocks, get naked, eat a sandwich and swim for hours. In old town there is a classic Mykonoan restaurant called “To Maereio” which I am hesitant to tell you about because it’s already hard enough to get a table. I usually get there 15 minutes before they open to make sure I get one of the six tables they have inside. The three people who run the place are clearly family and the food tastes like it was made by someones grandmother because it probably was. Get the special. Mykonos old town has an adorable outdoor movie theater called “Cinemanto” that is so romantic and adorable and like a secret garden. Last year we all saw Barbie there on opening weekend. On the north of the island there is a tiny restaurant sitting alone on it’s own beach called “Kikis” that I have not yet visited but I am dying to, another thing I am running out of time to do. Night time is party time and the reason most people go to Mykonos. The clubs get wild. “Jackie O’s” is a famous gay bar and will always live in my memory as the place where I first did poppers. “Lola Bar” is my favorite cocktail bar in town. It’s very burlesque and makes excellent drinks and the owner Dimitri loves me. Everyone in Greece is named Dimitri by the way. Mykonos is the only port where we have an overnight and there is something about being free from the confines and rules of the ship at night that really feeds my soul, even if I can’t be on drugs like everyone else.

Split. Now we’re in the Adriatic. Croatia is my favorite country we visit. It is so beautiful. The color of the water is like heroin to me, it does something indescribable to my brain. The internet says it’s some of the cleanest water in the world and I can feel a calmness in my belly just thinking about it. Split is a very cool town and on the top of the list of places I will revisit when I take a proper vacation there. The ship docks within an easy walking distance of the old town which was originally a Roman castle. There is a local beach just on the other side of a hill from the ship that is like a huge seawater bathtub. It’s not fancy but it does the trick. I love watching the locals play “picigin”, a ball game meant to be played in shallow water and involves a lot of dramatic leaping. I tend to be a creature of habit so I have a few things I do in Split over and over. First, there is a tea and spices shop called “Harissa” that is full of large tins of loose tea that you can open and smell and I love bringing new people there. It is very pleasant to have nice tea in my cabin and it’s a wonderful gift to bring back to loved ones. Next there is an incredible restaurant called “Villa Spiza” that I credit The New York Times article ’36 hours in Split’ for helping me find. It is tiny and another treasured venue where I wait outside 15 minutes before they open in order to get a table. They don’t have a freezer on the premises so everything they have is fresh. The pasta is amazing. Split is a lovely town with narrow winding roads that is fun to get lost in. There is a beautiful park with a fountain that I love to lay in the grass and read in. Twice in Split I have been with a group that rented a boat from a company called “Rent a Boat Split” and those have been some top notch days from both contracts. Ten of us on a little speed boat flying away from town and hopping from one perfect little beach/cove/cave/lagoon to the next. Last week in Split I had the opportunity to be a crew “escort” for a ship sponsored excursion with Jen’s friend Brendon and we went white water rafting on the Cetina River. When I say that this experience made me want to run away and live in the woods… I am exaggerating but I did think about it. I only hope that when I get home I can try to replicate with paint the abundance of varieties of green I saw under the water.

Dubrovnik. Oh to have been able to visit this place 20 years ago before the rest of the world discovered it, and by the rest of the world I mean fucking HBO. Dubrovnik is an incredible, breathtaking, interesting old city and the set location of “Kings Landing” in Game of Thrones. Thus it has been completely ruined by fanatical tourists. It’s difficult to explain exactly why but this is the one spot where the abundance of tourists really bothers me. It’s not all bad, happily I have found a Dubrovnik hack. This is a secret I have viciously gate kept from my fellow crew members because I do not want to share it. However my contract is ending soon so here goes. The secret to Dubrovnik is Lokrum Island. Lokrum is a small island less than 5km from old town. One must simply push their way through town from the Pile Gate, down the main road, out the back gate to the port and buy a 27 euro ticket onto the ferry. The ferry takes ten minutes and then there you are, in paradise. Lokrum Island has a fascinating history and I highly recommend you read about it. Here let me help you: www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lokrum. It’s cursed ya’ll. There are trees and tidal pools and wild peacocks and an old ass monastery with a restaurant in the courtyard and a nude bathing area with a big cave and it is pretty much the only thing I ever want to do when in town. I can’t take credit for finding it, Charlie did when doing his diligent research of nude beaches last year. Charlie and Arthur and I all love this place above all others. Arthur likes it because he’s a free diver and he can swim really deep down into the ravines. We often stop on our way to Lokrum at a fast food spot in town called “Holy Burek” and buy what we affectionately call “meat sticks”, a local Balkan dish made of filo dough wrapped around chicken or cheese or whatever. We eat our meat sticks on the ferry beaming with joy and pride for how very smart and cool we are. One other Dubrovnik tradition is something I resisted last year because of the insane price but did do once this contract before the busy season began and that is to “walk the wall”. Dubrovnik old town is completely surrounded by an old castle wall that one can pay 35 (!) euros to climb and walk the perimeter. It is honestly an excellent way to see the whole town. But if you only have one day in Dubrovnik, don’t waste it on the wall or a stupid Game of Thrones tour, go visit the ghosts on Lokrum.

Kotor. You and I are both going to be disappointed by this paragraph. I have not done right by Kotor. Montenegro is probably the most beautiful place we sail to. To get to the port of Kotor, we sail for an hour from the sea through a series of narrow bays and channels surrounded on all sides by staggering mountains. It’s incredible. I am constantly in awe of how amazing the earth is. However the actual old town of Kotor just doesn’t do it for me. It’s not fair really cause I never gave it a shot. It’s another very old town with walls and narrow passageways and cats and too many tourists. When lots of ships are in at the same time there are just too many fucking people in a very tiny space. I hate to admit it but the landscape is SO stunning, the best place to see it really is from the water. So most of the time I stay onboard and sit on deck 7 and stare up at the mountains with glistening little tears in my eyes. There is a hike up an ancient wall that people love to do, I haven’t done it. There is a cable car that goes to the top of the mountain that has a little gravity powered train track roller coaster thing that looks amazing, I haven’t done that either. When my best friend Carrie came onboard I sent her and her boyfriend Dave to rent kayaks because that seems like the best thing to do there. They had THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES. It was both of their favorite days of the whole week. There is a great little Thai massage parlor in town that I frequented last year until I realized I don’t really love Thai massage. I am visiting Kotor one more time before this contract ends so I have one more chance to not fuck this up. The internet showed me a place called “Underwater Wine Kraken Kotor” that is a floating wine bar which stores its wine underwater. It’s about a 15 minute drive from the old town and requires being picked up in a boat to get there. In two weeks time, I plan to go to this place with my new ship friend Jessie. I will report back if this all works out.

UPDATE: On my final visit to Kotor, I did make right by the place. We didn’t make it to the underwater floating wine bar thing, BUT I did get myself signed up as the escort for a ship excursion to the cable car that goes to the tippy top of one of the mountains. This was breathtaking. Once at the top, there is a funicular roller coaster thing that winds along the top of the mountain overlooking the whole bay of Kotor all the way to the ocean. I’ll never forget it. I would love to return to explore more of this beautiful tiny country.

Corfu. Yes please. More Corfu. My favorite Greek island. It’s not in the Adriatic, it’s technically in the Ionian Sea and while it is a part of Greece, it kinda feels like Italy. That’s probably why I love it so much. I told Carrie that if she buys a house in Corfu I would buy the boat. The Ionian islands are the only islands in Greece that were never ruled by the Ottoman Empire, so Corfu never got those Turkish white washed buildings you associate with Greece. It was also able to maintain a history of artists and artisans more easily than its Aegean siblings. Corfu has a lovely old town that I love getting lost in. Every single person I meet there is so warm and kind and remembers me every time I come back. I feel at home there. My days alone wandering Corfu are incredibly cathartic. My first time there I was wandering past a jewelry shop and I almost continued by but I felt compelled by the universe to go in. That is how I met Pavlos, a man who I certainly know from a previous life. He is a silversmith and jeweler whom I have spent a fortune on because he makes beautiful jewelry and sells it to me at very generous prices. Probably because we are soulmates or were soulmates or something about his jewelry has healing properties for me. Pavlos sees right into me. I bring everyone to meet him including my mom whom he gifted a long chain necklace to match one of mine. I do have a favorite restaurant in Corfu that I visit every time. It’s called “Elia” and it is a traditional Greek restaurant that makes all the standard Greek things perfectly. They also have a really great vibe and often gift me a limoncello at the end of my meal. The best gelato is from “Papagiorgis” and is really the only place I bother to get gelato in any port. There is a little spot where the town meets the water that I refer to as “the town beach” but is actually called “Faliraki Square”. I come here after my wanderings and swim in the perfect clear water next to the ancient fortress and try to figure out how I deserve such a cool life. There is one unchecked box on my Corfu to do list and that is Paleokastritsa Beach. It is said to be one of the beach beaches in Greece and I don’t want to miss it. Corfu is a big island and I have only seen one tiny portion of it, but as soon as Carrie buys that house and I get that boat I’ll be able to check out the rest.

UPDATE: On my final visit to Corfu, I DID make it to Paleokastritsa! My friend Clark and I went to Akron Beach Club and spent the day drinking and swimming and lounging and it was awesome. I will be returning to Corfu.

That’s it. That’s how I’ve spent the last two summers of my life. At the beginning of this coming August we will be leaving Athens and repositioning to our next home port of Portsmouth in the UK. During that repo, the ship is being chartered by an outside company for two back to back voyages. That company generally provides its own entertainment and is not interested in having our show which means I will have exactly 20 days off while we move through the Mediterranean stopping at some of the absolute best ports one can imagine. Malta, Catania, Naples, Ajaccio, Majorca, Barcelona, Malaga, Cadiz and Lisbon, to name just a few. Once in Portsmouth we will do two more short trips, one to Amsterdam and one to Zeebrugge, before our contract is over. After that I’m taking ten days to visit Scotland for the first time, the land of my ancestors. My mom will be joining me and we’ve got a pretty cute little trip to Edinburgh and the highlands planned. By the time I get back to NYC I will have visited 20 countries since my contract began in March. Pretty soon I’ll have to make a new list.