I didn’t see It coming but I tripped and fell and now I’m back on the ship. Not the same ship but the same job. In actuality, the person who was hired to do my same job here was fired just three weeks into her contract for having “inappropriate relations with a passenger” and the company panicked and asked me to come on board to cover. They wanted me to stay for the remainder of the contract which I politely declined because I have other obligations, but I was able to cancel some gigs snd jump onboard for six weeks. Honestly my dream is a six week contract, if I could do it this way all the time I would do it a lot more often.

I’m about halfway through that six weeks as I write this today while docked in the Bahamas. This ship has a very different itinerary from my last one and I’ve traded the beautiful ancient ports of the Med for the turquoise waters of the Caribbean. A downgrade for several reasons but still way better than the endless winter we are enduring in NYC. This ship is currently doing what is referred to as the dreaded 5/5/4. Meaning we do two five day cruises followed by a four day cruise and then do it all again. Our home port is Miami and we hit the same four or five ports over and over. Miami, Key West, Puerto Plata, Cozumel, Bimini, Repeat. I’m doing more work for the same amount of money, but let me tell you, it’s a better deal than I was getting back home.

I told myself I wouldn’t do this again. I really thought I was done. When I first joined the ship two years ago, on my very first day I saw a crew member sitting in the mess hall wearing a t-shirt that said “It’s my last contract I swear” and I thought “Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?” One of my biggest concerns when initially leaving NYC for that long was that my regular gigs would learn to live without me, that I would be replaced. Everyone assured me that wouldn’t happen, but guess what? That is exactly what happened. Of course it did. Out of sight out of mind. If you love New York City you will miss her fiercely when you’re away, but she won’t even notice you’re gone. NYC goes on with or without you. When I got home from my last contract I was shocked to find how hard it was to get work. I spoke about it briefly in my last post, the situation is dire. I didn’t feel the love from my city or my industry. So I made the decision to let go of my self imposed narrative that it’s New York or nowhere. I had to open my mind to other options. Suddenly I was offered some short contracts hosting a show in Vegas. Then like a fog horn out of the darkness the ship called and I, a poor unsuspecting showbiz sucker, was pulled back in… hopefully not to my death.

After being here for about a week the company asked me if I could come back in June and July and finish out this contract. Once again I had to decide if I wanted to cancel all my gigs back home. I told them I would only do it if they gave me a raise (bluffing) and It fucking worked. They said yes. So now I have to come back for seven weeks in June and July. I was feeling so defeated and heartbroken by all the professional rejection I was experiencing in the city and my therapist told me to listen to the “yeses” and ignore the “nos”. Good advice.

I’m already suffering from the same frustrations that plagued me in the past. I’m hungry all the time and I’m sick of all the food. The days are endlessly repetitive. The pillows suck. Did I mention the food thing? Cause that one is really bugging me today. The biggest difference is I’m only here for six weeks! It’s almost over! Because of that nothing feels too serious. Additionally I could not give two fucks about making friends. I am madly in love with my cast mate Angel. He has also done two contracts so he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s a sweetheart who is currently in school to be an anesthesiologist so he’s got his own shit going on. We share meals and gossip and hugs and my friendship needs are met. There are quite a few people onboard I know from my last two contracts, far more than I expected, so the day I arrived I heard a lot of “welcome back!”. I did feel welcome. I’m also so excited I get to leave soon.

My year is basically booked at this point. I’m here until April 6th, on April 7th I turn 40, then Vegas for three weeks, NYC in May to workshop a show I’m writing, on the ship June and July and then back to Vegas for all of August. I might bop around to visit some friends to celebrate my 40th year at some point. Greece, Mexico, Switzerland, etc. But then what? There are some circus companies in Germany that could use a great emcee, I just have to learn German. No problem! I like language! It’s time for me to think way outside the box if I want survive the devastating economic recession that is doubtlessly hurtling towards me at a million miles an hour. People much younger than I am have much stronger plans for their futures and it might finally be freaking me out a little bit. Time to finish that undergraduate degree bitch.

Today in Bimini I went to the beach with some friends. I burned that spot on my back where I couldn’t reach with the sunscreen while floating in the crystal water. Later we rented a golf cart and drove around the island sampling all the different conch dishes. Tropical conch salad, raw conch with citrus and hot sauce, conch fritters, crack conch, etc. Then I enjoyed an Aperol spritz at the back of the ship while we sailed away. My neck hurts from doing squats on the smith machine last week or maybe from the shitty pillows or maybe because I’m almost 40 and I probably have arthritis like my mom. Life is an endless swirling melange of the good, the bad, the messy and the unknown and I’m equally excited and terrified about tomorrow.